LESSON 21 - RELAPSE

Principle 7:  Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and His will for my life, and to gain the power to follow His will.

Step 11:  We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.

"Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly."  Colossians 3:16

1.  What are some of the ways (tools) that you have developed in your recovery to prevent relapse?
Talking to my sponsor. Accountability partners, attending CR and 12-Step Group, serving at CR and church, and staying focused on gratitude. Talking to God throughout the day, and keeping a check on reality. Seeking wise counsel from Godly women.

2.  Do a H-E-A-R-T check right now.  Are you:

Hurting - not particularly

Exhausted - absolutely

Angry - nope
      ANGER = Another Nice Growing Experience, Right?

Resentful - yeah, a little

Tense - eh ... a little


3.  Specifically, what do you do when you are:

Hurting - I'm pretty introspective, so I think a lot.  But I do tend to withdraw a little bit while I figure things out.  I pray, but not enough - I know that!  I like to talk things out with my BFF or my therapist or my sponsor, make sure I'm seeing things clearly and get a "reality check."  And I eventually talk to the person who hurt me, tell them how I'm feeling, and do my best to work towards resolve.

Exhausted - I lose my ability to be rational and chilled out - the little bit of patience I did have disappears.  I get irritated by the smallest of things, and everything seems amplified.  I feel overwhelmed by everyday responsibilities and obligations, and sometimes I start to get down on myself.

Angry - I cry. I cry when I feel helpless or frustrated beyond my ability to change something.  I'm not violent, and I rarely ever yell.  I'm a talker.  But when I'm pushed too far, and I cry about something, you better take notice!

Resentful - Hmmm.  Since I'm dealing with some of that now, I need to think about this.  Resentment causes me to make snide comments about the other person in my head.  I get impatient, I roll my eyes, I become even MORE sarcastic than I normally am! I stop caring so much about what they think or how they feel.  I focus more on ME and the injustice (or whatever) done to ME.  Not a very Christian position, I know. But the truth.  And this is why I'm in recovery :)

Tense - Tension doesn't affect me as much as exhaustion, but falls somewhere between exhaustion and hurt in the way I react to it.  I think a lot.  I analyze.  I show a little irritation and frustration, but not a lot.  Tension is life.  Tension is work and home and pups and husbands and calendars that are too full.  I cope pretty well with tension, I'm used to it. I get a massage and drink a glass of wine, and life gets better :)

4.  Rate your listening skills from 1 to 10, 10 being best.  Oh ... definitely a 2, 3 on a good day!  I am a horrible listener. Horrible.  When somebody starts talking to me, I begin formulating a solution by the end of the first sentence!  The only good news about that is that I've really recognized that about myself in the last year, and I'm working really hard to improve my score :)

- What are some ways that you think you could improve your listening skills with others?

Be intentional about listening.  Remind myself that I'm going to sit and listen, I don't have to provide input or solution, and I don't need to prepare my response WHILE they're speaking.  Don't interrupt. PRACTICE THE PAUSE.  And remember that the squirrel outside the window isn't life changing. And the special bulletin on the television will be there when I'm finished.  And the text message that just came in probably isn't life or death.  It's a very conscious thing, trying to learn this listening skill. It has to be deliberate, and I have to remind myself more than once, depending on how long the conversation lasts!

- What are some ways that you could improve your listening skills with God?

PRACTICE.  Practice waiting, being still, and allowing.  Practice trusting that what I hear is from God, and not my own subconscious.  But also read His Word more.  He tells us everything we need to know in there!  

5.  Describe what a "quiet time" means to you and why it is important.

Oh, how I wish I had more personal experience!  Quiet time is tuning out the world - the Hurt, the Exhaustion, the Anger, the Resentment, and the Tension.  It's focusing solely on embracing gratitude for all that God provides and for all the beauty he has given me.  It's about leaning into Him, learning more about Him through His Word and prayer, and deepening my relationship with Christ. 

6.  How could you improve your prayer time?  Be specific.
I could make it a priority and be consistent.  I'm trying to do that more, and I'm actually creating a prayer/WAR room in my house specifically for that purpose!  Working on selecting paint colors and building a design in my head.

- When do you pray?  Most often on the way to work and at night before I go to sleep.  

- Where do you pray? In the car, in bed, and wherever I am when there's something else to pray about.

7.  After you pray, do you slow down long enough to hear God's answer?  What does the word "meditation" in this step mean to you?
Slow down?  What is that ... is that English?  Does not compute.  LOL.  So ... no.
Meditation is the slowing down, focusing, pausing, allowing.

8.  What are some of the other things that you do in your recovery to help you on the journey and prevent relapse?
Talk to my friends or my sponsor.  Call my counselor when I need to get more in depth.  Journal. Read.  Check in with myself and stay aware of my own emotional "temperature" so that I can correct as needed. Make CONSCIOUS decisions, considering the effect that decision has on my overall recovery goals.

9.  I think we all agree that recovery is a joy, but it also requires hard work.  What do you do to celebrate your recovery - even the small victories?
I find myself humbled as I recognize the changes God is making in my life, and I am very intentional about thanking Him.