LESSON 7 - SPONSOR
Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." Lamentations 3:40
1. Why is it important for you to have a support team? Working a recovery program is hard work and can be emotionally draining at times. By having a support team, I am surrounding myself with others who have either been through the recovery process already, or are in it along side me. My support team can see me for who I am, even in areas I don't recognize, and provide me honest and loving feedback about my hurts, hang-ups, and habits. My support team can also help walk me through areas of recovery that I need help with, or talk me off a ledge if things get too difficult. Two are better than one; iron sharpens iron.
2. What qualities are you looking for in a sponsor? A Godly woman who walks her talk, one who has completed the 12 steps herself, she is open about her recovery and struggles, and she isn't too proud to let her own support team help her when she needs it. She is compassionate and caring, without being judgmental. She gets gratification by helping others with their recovery, and she is strong enough to handle my "what you see is what you get" personality. I need a woman who isn't intimidated by me (no pushovers!), and can stand up to me and tell me the truth about myself, in love, when she needs to.
3. How have you attempted to find a sponsor/accountability partner? I have been in CR at New Hope for 18 months now, and over the course of that time, I have gotten to know many amazing women. I have an awesome support system in place already, and I will continue to add "formally" to my accountability partners in the coming weeks.
4. What are some new places and ways you can try to find a sponsor/accountability partner? I can broaden my circle by getting to better know the women who are in other small groups outside of my own, and can socialize with groups of women from CR.
5. What is the difference between a sponsor and an accountability partner? A sponsor is a woman with whom I develop a close, intimate, trusting relationship, that allows us to be transparent with one another so that she can help coach me through the good and bad of my recovery. An accountability partner is a woman who is in recovery like I am, who agrees to hold me accountable to my own behaviors associated with my hurts, hang-ups, and habits, and encourages me to keep going.
6. List the names and phone numbers of possible sponsors or accountability partners. These should be individuals you have met on your "Road to Recovery" who have touched you in the sharing of their experiences, strengths, and hopes.
Susan S
Cynthia A
Cuky
Sarah B
Kim F
Martha B
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
LESSON 6 - ACTION
LESSON 6 - ACTION
Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control
Step 3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
1. What differences have you noticed in your life now that you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Higher Power? I have noticed that my trust in God has grown significantly, and I rely on Him much more than I did before. I have also calmed down ALOT. I am not wound as tightly as I used to be, and I don't get as worried about things or have such a strong need to control everything. My marriage is the best it has ever been, which is just a God thing, considering that not even two years ago, I would have sworn we would be divorced by now. I finally feel the sense of peace in my life that I searched and searched for, but until now wasn't able to obtain. There's more, but that's a good start :)
2. How has your definition of willpower changed since you have been in recovery? I used to believe that willpower was MY power to control myself, to keep myself from doing things I shouldn't, or to do the "right" things that I should. Now I know that real willpower is the willingness to accept GOD's power over my life.
3. What have you been able to turn over to God? My marriage, my health and my weight, SOME of my finances, my relationships with friends and family, most of the conflict in my life, my need to control other people (most of the time LOL).
4. What do you fear turning over to His care? The REST of my finances, my decision making (I still typically make fast decisions, and don't allow enough time for God to tell me what HE thinks I should do), my independence and self will.
5. What is keeping you from turning them over? Finances? Fear. Money has always been my hot button, because as a kid my parents fought over money constantly. No, really - constantly. It was always a topic surrounded by the fear of not having enough, and that instilled in me the belief that my security in life is tied to my finances, plain and simple. I have a nest egg, it makes me feel safe and it keeps me sane. If I give up control, and if I were to lose the egg, what happens to me, to my mind? Will I go crazy? Will I have to live in my car or in the shed in my dad's back yard? (That's been a life-long joke between us -- If I ever become homeless, there's always the shed! Dad would run an extension cord from the house so I could have some lights and watch a TV with rabbit ears). Giving up complete control of my finances is S-C-A-R-Y!
About my independence and self will -- well, I've taken care of myself most of my life, because my parent's weren't very good at it. I learned early that if I depended on me, I would be ok. But relying on other people wasn't nearly as safe. So I moved out after college and became self sufficient at 19. I lived in a studio apartment, had a job, paid my own bills, bought my own car, and still managed to eat. I've made my own decisions pretty much forever, priding myself on the fact that I'm logical and realistic and have a good amount of common sense. I've done well. But giving all that up and relying 100% on God, presents a scary situation for me. It suddenly calls into question the qualities I am proud of, and the side of me that others look up to and want to be like - my ability to get things done, make decisions, move forward, and get back up when I fall down. I'm good at that, I'm a survivor and a fighter, and I keep pressing on. If I rely completely on God, what do I do with myself?
6. What does the phrase, "live one day at a time" mean to you? Living one day at a time is what I do much more now. It means that I shouldn't spend time worrying about things that haven't happened yet - projecting, my therapist would call it. It means I don't have to expend valuable energy today worrying about things to come. One day at a time means that each thing that happens in my life - each hour or each minute of the day - is just that ... a moment in time, nothing more, and it will pass. So whether it's a good thing or a not-so-good thing, my job is to focus on that moment, and on getting to the next one. It means that every moment is another opportunity to make a change if I need to, or to show gratitude when I should, or make amends if I screw up. One day at a time means that I have countless opportunities to create the life God designed for me to have.
7. What is a major concern in your life? My only real CONCERN these days is my finances, like always. Having enough, making the right decisions, spending when I should and restraining myself when I need to. Eliminating the debt I have as quickly as I can, without digging the hole deeper in the process. It's a process, and it's slow going, but I'm learning to trust more :)
8. What is stopping you from turning it over to your Higher Power, Jesus Christ? Me.
Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control
Step 3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
1. What differences have you noticed in your life now that you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Higher Power? I have noticed that my trust in God has grown significantly, and I rely on Him much more than I did before. I have also calmed down ALOT. I am not wound as tightly as I used to be, and I don't get as worried about things or have such a strong need to control everything. My marriage is the best it has ever been, which is just a God thing, considering that not even two years ago, I would have sworn we would be divorced by now. I finally feel the sense of peace in my life that I searched and searched for, but until now wasn't able to obtain. There's more, but that's a good start :)
2. How has your definition of willpower changed since you have been in recovery? I used to believe that willpower was MY power to control myself, to keep myself from doing things I shouldn't, or to do the "right" things that I should. Now I know that real willpower is the willingness to accept GOD's power over my life.
3. What have you been able to turn over to God? My marriage, my health and my weight, SOME of my finances, my relationships with friends and family, most of the conflict in my life, my need to control other people (most of the time LOL).
4. What do you fear turning over to His care? The REST of my finances, my decision making (I still typically make fast decisions, and don't allow enough time for God to tell me what HE thinks I should do), my independence and self will.
5. What is keeping you from turning them over? Finances? Fear. Money has always been my hot button, because as a kid my parents fought over money constantly. No, really - constantly. It was always a topic surrounded by the fear of not having enough, and that instilled in me the belief that my security in life is tied to my finances, plain and simple. I have a nest egg, it makes me feel safe and it keeps me sane. If I give up control, and if I were to lose the egg, what happens to me, to my mind? Will I go crazy? Will I have to live in my car or in the shed in my dad's back yard? (That's been a life-long joke between us -- If I ever become homeless, there's always the shed! Dad would run an extension cord from the house so I could have some lights and watch a TV with rabbit ears). Giving up complete control of my finances is S-C-A-R-Y!
About my independence and self will -- well, I've taken care of myself most of my life, because my parent's weren't very good at it. I learned early that if I depended on me, I would be ok. But relying on other people wasn't nearly as safe. So I moved out after college and became self sufficient at 19. I lived in a studio apartment, had a job, paid my own bills, bought my own car, and still managed to eat. I've made my own decisions pretty much forever, priding myself on the fact that I'm logical and realistic and have a good amount of common sense. I've done well. But giving all that up and relying 100% on God, presents a scary situation for me. It suddenly calls into question the qualities I am proud of, and the side of me that others look up to and want to be like - my ability to get things done, make decisions, move forward, and get back up when I fall down. I'm good at that, I'm a survivor and a fighter, and I keep pressing on. If I rely completely on God, what do I do with myself?
6. What does the phrase, "live one day at a time" mean to you? Living one day at a time is what I do much more now. It means that I shouldn't spend time worrying about things that haven't happened yet - projecting, my therapist would call it. It means I don't have to expend valuable energy today worrying about things to come. One day at a time means that each thing that happens in my life - each hour or each minute of the day - is just that ... a moment in time, nothing more, and it will pass. So whether it's a good thing or a not-so-good thing, my job is to focus on that moment, and on getting to the next one. It means that every moment is another opportunity to make a change if I need to, or to show gratitude when I should, or make amends if I screw up. One day at a time means that I have countless opportunities to create the life God designed for me to have.
7. What is a major concern in your life? My only real CONCERN these days is my finances, like always. Having enough, making the right decisions, spending when I should and restraining myself when I need to. Eliminating the debt I have as quickly as I can, without digging the hole deeper in the process. It's a process, and it's slow going, but I'm learning to trust more :)
8. What is stopping you from turning it over to your Higher Power, Jesus Christ? Me.
LESSON 5 - TURN
LESSON 5 - TURN
Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control.
Step 3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
1. What is stopping you from asking Jesus Christ into your heart as your Lord and Savior? (If you have already done so, describe your experience). Not a thing! Did that a long time ago, as a young'n, but then did it again 6 years ago, on February 21, 2010. John and I were taking a generic "Christianity 101" class at our church at the time, and at the completion of the course, the class read the salvation prayer together, aloud. I didn't think anything of it, I had done this before, I knew the drill. But as I spoke the words, something in me changed. I felt SOMETHING. It was bizarre, like I entered the twilight zone. I felt a warmness come over me, and an overwhelming sense of the Holy Spirit filling up my soul. I froze. Seriously. I sat there, unable to speak, wondering what on earth was happening to me. The pastor was asking various people how they felt after the prayer, and when he asked me, I told him I didn't want to talk about it. I broke down in tears and told the group I didn't know what was happening, but it was freaking me out. THAT was the day that my life changed. THAT was the day I knew Jesus was with me, was filling me up, and was part of my life forever more.
2. How has relying on your "own understanding" caused problems in your life? Be specific. As I believe we've already discussed, relying on my own understanding has led me to many MISunderstandings, many failed relationships, many unrealistic expectations, many decisions that sent me headed in the wrong direction because I thought I knew best. My own understanding has had me fooled into thinking I could do it - all of it - on my own, and that I didn't need help from anyone. It tricked me into believing that my way was the right way, and that people who cared about me would WANT to do things to make me happy. My own understanding is terribly misinformed, and praise God that now I know better. I still don't make the right decisions all the time, don't get me wrong, but at least I know I have a higher power who loves me and has a plan for me, and I have the knowledge I need to make decisions that please Him -- or to ask him for forgiveness when, despite knowing better, I go rogue :)
3. What does "repent" mean to you? What do you need to repent of? Repentance is the act of asking God for forgiveness, but also having the desire to turn from whatever the act was, and choose to follow God's will instead of my own. Without the desire NOT to do it again, it isn't repentance. I haven't done my personal inventory yet, but there is plenty I need to repent of. How I've treated people, things I've said about people behind their backs, lies I've told, manipulation I've used, finances I've abused, tithes I haven't paid, love I haven't shown, materialism and idolatry I've exhibited, and those are just a few. In 48 years, I've developed quite a list. But more on that later.
4. What does the declaration of "not guilty" found in Romans 3:22 mean to you? ~~
5. When you turn your life over to your Higher Power, Jesus Christ, you have a "new life" (Cor 5:17). What does that "new life" mean to you? New life means I am a new creature in God, my old life has been wiped away and I have been wiped clean, white as snow. God has forgiven me of all my past transgressions, and loves me in spite of them. His Holy Spirit fills my heart and my soul, and his grace and mercy flood over me. I start each day as His child, pursuing the goodness of his will in my life, and wanting to please him.
6. What does the Principle 3 prayer mean to you? It means I finally "get it" and I understand that I cannot do this earthly life alone, I need Him to guide me and be my warrior and my protection. I need God's will in my life, and I need to continue to work on becoming more like His son, Jesus Christ. Rather than relying on my own understanding, I seek my direction and wisdom from God. And only He has the ability to heal my hurts, to fill the empty holes in my heart and my soul, and to complete me as He intended for me to be completed.
Principle 3: Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control.
Step 3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God.
1. What is stopping you from asking Jesus Christ into your heart as your Lord and Savior? (If you have already done so, describe your experience). Not a thing! Did that a long time ago, as a young'n, but then did it again 6 years ago, on February 21, 2010. John and I were taking a generic "Christianity 101" class at our church at the time, and at the completion of the course, the class read the salvation prayer together, aloud. I didn't think anything of it, I had done this before, I knew the drill. But as I spoke the words, something in me changed. I felt SOMETHING. It was bizarre, like I entered the twilight zone. I felt a warmness come over me, and an overwhelming sense of the Holy Spirit filling up my soul. I froze. Seriously. I sat there, unable to speak, wondering what on earth was happening to me. The pastor was asking various people how they felt after the prayer, and when he asked me, I told him I didn't want to talk about it. I broke down in tears and told the group I didn't know what was happening, but it was freaking me out. THAT was the day that my life changed. THAT was the day I knew Jesus was with me, was filling me up, and was part of my life forever more.
2. How has relying on your "own understanding" caused problems in your life? Be specific. As I believe we've already discussed, relying on my own understanding has led me to many MISunderstandings, many failed relationships, many unrealistic expectations, many decisions that sent me headed in the wrong direction because I thought I knew best. My own understanding has had me fooled into thinking I could do it - all of it - on my own, and that I didn't need help from anyone. It tricked me into believing that my way was the right way, and that people who cared about me would WANT to do things to make me happy. My own understanding is terribly misinformed, and praise God that now I know better. I still don't make the right decisions all the time, don't get me wrong, but at least I know I have a higher power who loves me and has a plan for me, and I have the knowledge I need to make decisions that please Him -- or to ask him for forgiveness when, despite knowing better, I go rogue :)
3. What does "repent" mean to you? What do you need to repent of? Repentance is the act of asking God for forgiveness, but also having the desire to turn from whatever the act was, and choose to follow God's will instead of my own. Without the desire NOT to do it again, it isn't repentance. I haven't done my personal inventory yet, but there is plenty I need to repent of. How I've treated people, things I've said about people behind their backs, lies I've told, manipulation I've used, finances I've abused, tithes I haven't paid, love I haven't shown, materialism and idolatry I've exhibited, and those are just a few. In 48 years, I've developed quite a list. But more on that later.
4. What does the declaration of "not guilty" found in Romans 3:22 mean to you? ~~
5. When you turn your life over to your Higher Power, Jesus Christ, you have a "new life" (Cor 5:17). What does that "new life" mean to you? New life means I am a new creature in God, my old life has been wiped away and I have been wiped clean, white as snow. God has forgiven me of all my past transgressions, and loves me in spite of them. His Holy Spirit fills my heart and my soul, and his grace and mercy flood over me. I start each day as His child, pursuing the goodness of his will in my life, and wanting to please him.
Principle 3 Prayer:
Dear God, I have tried to do it all by myself, on my own power, and I have failed. Today, I want to turn my life over to you. I ask you to be my Lord and my Savior. You are the one and only higher power! I ask that you help me start to think less about me and my will. I want to daily turn my will over to you, to daily seek your direction and wisdom for my life. Please continue to help me overcome my hurts, hang-ups, and habits, and may that victory over them help others as they see your power at work in changing my life. Help me to do your will always. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.
6. What does the Principle 3 prayer mean to you? It means I finally "get it" and I understand that I cannot do this earthly life alone, I need Him to guide me and be my warrior and my protection. I need God's will in my life, and I need to continue to work on becoming more like His son, Jesus Christ. Rather than relying on my own understanding, I seek my direction and wisdom from God. And only He has the ability to heal my hurts, to fill the empty holes in my heart and my soul, and to complete me as He intended for me to be completed.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
LESSON 4 - SANITY
LESSON 4 - SANITY
Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
"Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philippians 2:13
1. What things have you been doing over and over again, expecting a different result each time (insanity)?
Believing that "this time" my mom won't let me down
Believing that food or shopping or busyness or material goods will fill up the holes in my soul
Believing that perfection is actually achievable if I work hard enough
Believing that people who love me should WANT to do things my way
Believing that anything short of perfection means failure
2. What is your definition of sanity?
I think sanity is essentially about knowing your truth, and being rational with your requests and expectations, and learning from your experiences.
3. How have your past expectations of yourself or others been unrealistic? Give examples.
Oh gosh, how much time do we have? My expectations of myself have always been VERY high. I can't even describe all the ways that I have held myself to such high standards, but I can only tell you that I have. My dad instilled that in me as a child, I guess. He has a very strong work ethic, he believes in doing things right the first time, things like that. But he was never abusively demanding. He didn't force those standards into me, I just think I learned by example. On Saturday mornings at my house, we got up at 8, or 830 if dad was being particularly generous, because there were chores to do, wood to chop, bathrooms to clean. That's just how it was - there was none of this sleeping until noon or 2pm crap like teenagers now (what is THAT??). And to this day I have always had a problem sitting still and being quiet, because I believed that if I had time to sit, that meant I had time to be doing something! Drives my husband CRAZY. But I'm better about that now. I embrace and enjoy the quiet stillness (most of the time). In school, as an adult attending Liberty University, the first time I took a test and got a B, I CRIED. Seriously, CRIED! I had to call my BFF to talk me down! That was only two years ago -- so clearly these things have stuck!
My mom was a different story. She has always been very insecure and she was taught as a child that appearances are what is important, so she has always been a runner and a gym rat - and a size 2. Having her as my mom led me to believe that being "fit" was what gauged my success in life. Unfortunately, that led to extremely unrealistic expectations of myself, considering that I am cut from the other side of the cloth (my dad's), and I'm not at all built like my mom. I kept (unrealistically) expecting myself to measure up to mom and look like mom, but never succeeded. So the result has been a lot of beating myself up over being a failure because I could never control my weight like mom. Super unrealistic!
With regards to unrealistic expectations of others, I started out - eons ago - believing that my happiness was the responsibility of other people - that they had the power to "make" me happy and to love myself. I believed that if other people found me worthy, I must be ok - right? The downside of that, of course, is that when somebody didn't like me, or they hurt my feelings, I was devastated and would beat myself up about what was wrong with me (rather than now - knowing it's not my issue, but theirs). In my marriages, I believed for a long time that things should be done my way, because my way was the right way - right? I pride myself on being a logical, sensible, no-nonsense type of chick, and since I am pretty efficient about getting things done - correctly, I might add (except for my own weight LOL) - surely my husbands (and others) could see the VALUE in following my lead - right? Yeah ... not so much. My need to control caused a lot of conflict in my marriages, and drove my husbands to resentment towards me, and sometimes gives people the impression that I'm only worried about myself. Which really is not the case, because I care so much about other people and their needs, but I understand that's not always the impression I give. Luckily for me, God is working on me!
4. In the past, how has trusting only in your own feelings and emotions gotten you in trouble?
Following on to the last question, by trusting only my own feelings and emotions, I set myself up for failure! And a lot of heartache and pain. A lot of beating myself up when I didn't deserve it, especially as a kid who didn't know any better. I beat myself up for my parent's divorce (must have been my fault, right?), I beat myself up over my inability to be a size 2, 4, 6, I beat myself up over not making straight As, and the list goes on. My short-sightedness (or perhaps we'll just call it what it really was - lack of knowing any better) prohibited me from seeing that there might actually be a different cause to any situation, whatever it was at the time. I was so emotionally wrapped up in my own perception of truth that I was unable to look rationally at myself, or the problem to see where I might have been blameless. Likewise, I wasn't able to see past my own wants or need to control, to see that my husband's viewpoint might have held merit. I just dug my heels in and protested, claiming my "rightness" until he gave in. I'd say my own feelings and emotions have not been very reliable up until a couple years ago ... now they're better, although they still falter.
5. How can your Higher Power, Jesus Christ, help restore you to make sane decisions? How do you get a second chance?
Jesus can show me His way - the right way - and show me how to make healthy decisions by trusting him. I get a second chance by accepting His Blood as enough to save me from myself and my own pride. and then I must surrender my broken, prideful, and pain filled body and soul back to Him, the person who molded it with His own hands.
6. What areas of your life are you ready to release control of and hand over to God? Be specific.
x
Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.
"Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philippians 2:13
1. What things have you been doing over and over again, expecting a different result each time (insanity)?
Believing that "this time" my mom won't let me down
Believing that food or shopping or busyness or material goods will fill up the holes in my soul
Believing that perfection is actually achievable if I work hard enough
Believing that people who love me should WANT to do things my way
Believing that anything short of perfection means failure
2. What is your definition of sanity?
I think sanity is essentially about knowing your truth, and being rational with your requests and expectations, and learning from your experiences.
3. How have your past expectations of yourself or others been unrealistic? Give examples.
Oh gosh, how much time do we have? My expectations of myself have always been VERY high. I can't even describe all the ways that I have held myself to such high standards, but I can only tell you that I have. My dad instilled that in me as a child, I guess. He has a very strong work ethic, he believes in doing things right the first time, things like that. But he was never abusively demanding. He didn't force those standards into me, I just think I learned by example. On Saturday mornings at my house, we got up at 8, or 830 if dad was being particularly generous, because there were chores to do, wood to chop, bathrooms to clean. That's just how it was - there was none of this sleeping until noon or 2pm crap like teenagers now (what is THAT??). And to this day I have always had a problem sitting still and being quiet, because I believed that if I had time to sit, that meant I had time to be doing something! Drives my husband CRAZY. But I'm better about that now. I embrace and enjoy the quiet stillness (most of the time). In school, as an adult attending Liberty University, the first time I took a test and got a B, I CRIED. Seriously, CRIED! I had to call my BFF to talk me down! That was only two years ago -- so clearly these things have stuck!
My mom was a different story. She has always been very insecure and she was taught as a child that appearances are what is important, so she has always been a runner and a gym rat - and a size 2. Having her as my mom led me to believe that being "fit" was what gauged my success in life. Unfortunately, that led to extremely unrealistic expectations of myself, considering that I am cut from the other side of the cloth (my dad's), and I'm not at all built like my mom. I kept (unrealistically) expecting myself to measure up to mom and look like mom, but never succeeded. So the result has been a lot of beating myself up over being a failure because I could never control my weight like mom. Super unrealistic!
With regards to unrealistic expectations of others, I started out - eons ago - believing that my happiness was the responsibility of other people - that they had the power to "make" me happy and to love myself. I believed that if other people found me worthy, I must be ok - right? The downside of that, of course, is that when somebody didn't like me, or they hurt my feelings, I was devastated and would beat myself up about what was wrong with me (rather than now - knowing it's not my issue, but theirs). In my marriages, I believed for a long time that things should be done my way, because my way was the right way - right? I pride myself on being a logical, sensible, no-nonsense type of chick, and since I am pretty efficient about getting things done - correctly, I might add (except for my own weight LOL) - surely my husbands (and others) could see the VALUE in following my lead - right? Yeah ... not so much. My need to control caused a lot of conflict in my marriages, and drove my husbands to resentment towards me, and sometimes gives people the impression that I'm only worried about myself. Which really is not the case, because I care so much about other people and their needs, but I understand that's not always the impression I give. Luckily for me, God is working on me!
4. In the past, how has trusting only in your own feelings and emotions gotten you in trouble?
Following on to the last question, by trusting only my own feelings and emotions, I set myself up for failure! And a lot of heartache and pain. A lot of beating myself up when I didn't deserve it, especially as a kid who didn't know any better. I beat myself up for my parent's divorce (must have been my fault, right?), I beat myself up over my inability to be a size 2, 4, 6, I beat myself up over not making straight As, and the list goes on. My short-sightedness (or perhaps we'll just call it what it really was - lack of knowing any better) prohibited me from seeing that there might actually be a different cause to any situation, whatever it was at the time. I was so emotionally wrapped up in my own perception of truth that I was unable to look rationally at myself, or the problem to see where I might have been blameless. Likewise, I wasn't able to see past my own wants or need to control, to see that my husband's viewpoint might have held merit. I just dug my heels in and protested, claiming my "rightness" until he gave in. I'd say my own feelings and emotions have not been very reliable up until a couple years ago ... now they're better, although they still falter.
5. How can your Higher Power, Jesus Christ, help restore you to make sane decisions? How do you get a second chance?
Jesus can show me His way - the right way - and show me how to make healthy decisions by trusting him. I get a second chance by accepting His Blood as enough to save me from myself and my own pride. and then I must surrender my broken, prideful, and pain filled body and soul back to Him, the person who molded it with His own hands.
6. What areas of your life are you ready to release control of and hand over to God? Be specific.
x
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