Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
"Happy are the pure in heart." Matthew 5:8
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." Lamentations 3:40
Your mind:
- How have you guarded your mind in the past? Denial?
- Have you filled your mind with hurtful and unhealthy movies, television programs, internet sites, magazines, or books?
- Have you failed to concentrate on the positive truths of the Bible?
Your body:
- In what ways in the past have you mistreated your body?
- Have you abused alcohol and drugs? Food? Sex?
- What past activities or habits caused harm to your physical health?
Your family:
- In the past, have you mistreated anyone in your family?
- Who in your family do you have a resentment against?
- Who do you owe an amends to?
- What is the family secret that you have been denying?
Your church:
- Have you been faithful to your church in the past?
- Have you been critical rather than active?
- In the past have you discouraged your family's support of their church?
Write About It
1. Your mind
- Since accepting Christ as your higher power, how has God transformed your mind? What worldly standards have you given up?
- How have you used denial to attempt to guard your mind?
- Have you filled or are you filling your mind with hurtful and unhealthy movies, televisions programs, Internet sites, magazines, or books?
- How have you failed to concentrate on the positive truths of the Bible?
2. Your body
- What past activities or habits caused harm to your physical body?
Oh my gosh, what HASN'T? I've always had issues with food, and I use it to mask my hurts, so I've been overweight since I was a little kid. I never participated in sports, so I didn't get much exercise. As I got older, and experienced sex, I decided that was a great way to feel loved and accepted, so I had far too many sexual encounters with boys and men, disrespecting my body along the way. And I had an abortion, which was definitely harmful to my body, my heart, and my mind. It took me a long time to forgive myself for that, but I know God forgives me and that's good enough for me. I accept his grace and mercy.
- In what ways have you mistreated your body?
Abortion. Excess weight. Too much food, and not the healthy kind.
- If you have abused alcohol drugs, foods, or sex, how did they negatively affect your body?
Sex has always been my drug of choice, and the result has been numerous vaginal infections, STDs, and a pregnancy. Food is my other drug, and that has kept me overweight all my life. Holding on to excess weight was a subconscious protection mechanism, and I've been hesitant to let it go. On the contrary, every hurt or disappointment brought more weight and I topped out at my highest ever just last year. Thank GOD, I've been successful this year in losing weight and keeping it off :)
- What have you done to restore God's temple?
Prayed, asked for forgiveness, and I've undertaken a new healthy lifestyle this year. I've lost 43# so far, and I'm not done yet. God's temple deserves better than I've given it up until now!
3. Your family
- Have you mistreated anyone in your family verbally, emotionally, or physically?
Well ... yeah.
Verbally - I'm not a terribly abusive person these days, and I try not to use hurtful words. But in my younger years, I'm certain I was verbally abusive to each of them at some point or another. My sister got the most (she's 2.5 years younger, her birth ruined my life, and she was irritating ... duh! LOL). But my mom, too. I held her responsible for my dad's unhappiness and absenteeism, so I pretty much hated her most of my life. I tolerated my mother's presence because I had to, but I never particularly LIKED HER or CARED about what she was going through. My dad, well he was my hero, but he let me down a lot, so I know I flipped off at him and said things I shouldn't have as a kid.
Emotionally - I could probably just repeat what I said about verbal abuse. BUT - my mom got most of the emotional abuse, even more so than my sister. As far as I was concerned, she was forcing my dad to be away from us because she was too needy and she nagged him too much.
Physically - Nope, that's not my thing. I'd much rather hurt with words where I can be crafty and hurt to the core.
- Who in your family do you hold a resentment against? Why?
Would you be shocked to hear me say "my mom"? Because yep, that's the one. My sister and I get along well now, my dad and I have always been close and we've recovered from his momentary lapses of sanity that impacted my life. But my mom ... as much as I know I should forgive her, I haven't been able to. I just can't find it in me. I think part of that is because she continues to do the damaging stuff to me, even as an adult. And I have a hard time with somebody telling me they're sorry, but continuing to do the same thing over and over and over. I know it's not what Jesus would do, and it's not what I'm supposed to do. But that's something I continue to struggle with and work on.
- Can you think of anyone to whom you owe amends? Why?
All of the above. As stated.
- What is the "family secret" that you have kept denying?
This question gets me every time, because I don't feel like we really had one. But also because I don't deny much of anything. I'm more about facing reality, dealing with it, and learning from it. So for us, it was probably my dad's indiscretions and my grandfather's "other" kid. Oh, and Granny's closet drinking.
- How have relationships improved since you have been in recovery?
I don't attribute improved relationships to recovery as much as I do to church and to God. Without a growing relationship with Christ, and continued participation in church, I wouldn't be who I am today, and I wouldn't be in recovery at all. But with regard to relationships, I find myself much more capable of extending grace, mercy, and love. I'm not as judgmental and critical of family and friends. I forgive easier (except for mom), and I'm much more willing now to admit and accept my own faults. I've become more self aware, and am more sensitive and empathetic towards others.
4. Your church
- How would you rate your past participation in your church?
___ very involved
_X_ semi active member
___ sideline member
___ attender
___ went only on holidays
___ never attended
Since early adulthood, I remember myself always craved church. I wanted to be involved in church, to be present and to have a relationship with God. As a child, I attended with my great grandmother and for a while with my parents at the Seventh Day Adventist Church. Even in college, I attended church. I wasn't as involved then as I was later in life, but I was there. Over the past 15-20 years, I have become more deeply involved and a more active participant in serving and contributing to the overall mission of the church, to include sharing my own story more with other people. At this point in time, I'm highly active and I enjoy my church life immensely. I find that the majority of my time is spent in church-related activities :)
- Prior to your recovery, what was your main reason for going to church?
Early on, because my Granny took me. She was a very strong Christian. Toss in the Mormon Church because my other grandparents took me. But as I got older, I went by choice. To grow closer to God, to build my faith, to increase my reliance upon God, to build a social network of Christian friends, to participate in women's bible studies and serving events.
- Have you ever tried to discourage any family members from church involvement? How? Why?
Nope. Never.
- How has your commitment to your church increased since starting your recovery (give examples)?
To be honest, I don't think it has increased much at all. I think it's actually the reverse for me. The stronger I've become in my commitment to church, the more I've relied upon God, the more I've wanted to please Him by being the healthiest me I can be, and the more I've felt the tug to participate more deeply IN recovery. Without church, I wouldn't be here at CR or step study! So I guess I'd say I'm more involved in the CR aspects of church since starting recovery :)
