"Happy are the merciful." Matthew 5:7
"Happy are the peacemakers." Matthew 5:9
Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
REWRITTEN for victims of sexual assault, physical abuse, or childhood emotional abuse or neglect: Make a list of all persons who have harmed us and become willing to seek God's help in forgiving our perpetrators, as well as forgiving ourselves. Realize we've also harmed others and become willing to make amends to them.
"Do unto others as you would have them do to you." Luke 6:31
Step 9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
REWRITTEN for victims of sexual assault, physical abuse, or childhood emotional abuse or neglect: forgiveness to ourselves and to others who have perpetrated against us, realizing that this is an attitude of the heart, not always confrontation. Make direct amends, asking forgiveness from those people we have harmed, except when to do so would injure them or others.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the alter and there remember that you brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift at the alter. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24
1. As you look at the three kinds of forgiveness, which one of them was the easiest for you to accept? Why? [God's forgiveness; forgiveness of others who have hurt you; and, forgiveness of yourself].
I think the easiest of the three is God's forgiveness, although I'm not sure that even now I understand the total completeness of that gift. It's easy to say I'm forgiven, it's a little more complicated to digest the magnitude of God's gesture.
2. Which area of forgiveness was the most difficult for you to accept? Why?
Forgiving myself and forgiving others has been much more difficult. I have been hardest on myself, of course, for being stupid or making poor decisions (very critical of myself), but through counseling and CR, I have been able to come to terms with most of the past. Forgiving others though ... that one still needs some work. These days, generally speaking, I'm pretty easy going and forgiving when somebody accepts responsibility and apologizes. But in the past, when responsibility hasn't been taken and instead it's been attempted to sweep the issue under a rug ... well, that hasn't sat too well with me. I have become angry, but moreso I have become hurt. And I have yearned for closure.
I want to feel like I'm important enough to that person that they will recognize what they've done and WANT to make amends. Because that's what I would do. I try very hard to admit my wrongs and apologize when I need to. But some people won't ... or can't ... allow themselves to be vulnerable enough that they can humble themselves to apologize. Or they can't help themselves when it comes to making the same mistake over and over again, hurting people each time. And that's the situation with my mom ... she's one of just a few I haven't forgiven to this point. So although I'm good about accepting that people are human and they make mistakes, and not everybody is on my same "plane" of self-discovery, I'm sometimes not so good at forgiving, especially when the damage is repeated over and over, despite the repeated "I'm sorrys".
3. What do the words of Christ found in John 19:30 ("It is finished.") mean to you?
They mean that Jesus completed his purpose from God, that he understood his role on Earth, that he successfully accomplished all that his Father asked of him, and that in his final moments, despite not WANTING to die, he realized he needed to, and he was willing to do so in order to fulfill God's desire for the greater good, and to free us from the bondage of our sin.
4. What hurt(s) from a past relationship are you still holding on to?
All the damage done to my by my mom. The narcissism, the neglect, the judgment, the unfulfilled promises, the repeated disappointment, the never-ending I'm sorry's, and her incessant need to always be the victim.
5. How can you let go of the hurt(s)? Be specific.
If I knew that answer, I wouldn't still be holding on. BUT -- clearly I need to look to God and embrace the forgiveness he has offered me, and have a heart like Jesus. Not gonna lie though ... don't now how to do that with her. She's the only one.
6. Do you owe God an amends? When will you give it?
I don't think so ... I don't blame Him for any of my hurts or struggles. But - I'm going to pray that He will reveal to me any areas for which I do owe him an amends.
7. How have you been blaming God for the harmful actions that others took against you?
I really haven't. I hold people responsible for their behavior, not God.
8. Have you forgiven yourself? What past actions in your life do you still feel guilt and shame about? (List them, pray about them, and work on them in the next lesson.)
Yep, I sure have - for nearly everything. I have a shaming issue that I talked about aloud for the first time with my sponsor, and that's something I haven't completely forgiven myself for, since I haven't successfully tackled the problem. But I'm working on it. I still need to make amends with the people I've harmed in connection with the things I've forgiven myself for, but I've forgiven me. I am an imperfect sinner, always have been and always will be. But I'm a new being in Christ now, and I'm forgiven.
