"Happy are the merciful." (Matthew 5:7)
"Happy are the peacemakers." (Matthew 5:9)
Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
"Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:31)
1. Once again you need to admit the past hurts - what others did to you and the harm that you caused to others. Explain how holding on to your past resentments and guilt has blocked your recovery. Be specific.
By not releasing resentment, I have remained stuck in the bad space. I have put up walls that prevent me from receiving God's forgiveness and allowing me to grow beyond the bad. By holding on to guilt, I have continued to punish myself over and over again for the wrongs I have done to others, thus preventing me from feeling the grace and mercy of God as he intended. Holding on also prevents my relationships with these people from being able to blossom or move beyond the resentment and pain. It wastes a lot of valuable time that could be used for repairing.\
2. Next, you are ready to make your list. Use the following worksheet. List the names of those to whom you think you owe amends to in column 1. Then list those individuals who have hurt you and who you need to forgive in Column 2. Keep this chart and see how God has increased your list within the next thirty days. Also, begin praying for the willingness and God's direction for you to complete this principle.
AMENDS LIST
I OWE AMENDS TO:
My mom
John
Michelle
My sister
My dad
Terri Thompson
Pam Bradley
Kelli
I NEED TO FORGIVE:
My mom
John
Michelle
The Old Man
Dan
His Roommate
Anna
Pete
Laura Jane
3. Who do you have on your recovery support team to encourage you as you make your amends and offer your forgiveness?
SPONSOR: Cynthia
ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS:
Kris
Donna
Angela
Shelly
Toshia
Ashley
4. What does the phrase "not for them" mean to you?
It means that when I choose to extend forgiveness to someone who has hurt me, I am doing that to release myself from the pain and bondage created by holding on to the hurt. Forgiveness is entirely about me, it isn't about whether or not they choose to accept my forgiveness, or even whether they care that I'm offering it. It is about me releasing myself from the chains that have kept me bound for so long, and allowing myself to enjoy the freedom offered to me from God.
5. What does the phrase "don't expect anything back" mean to you?
Again, this isn't about anybody else, it's just about me. I need to make amends to free MY heart and soul, and to do what God wants me to do. It isn't for me to expect them to somehow make ME feel better or lighten MY load.
6. Timing is so important in this step. List the individuals who could be possiby injured from your making an amends to them and why.
There is only one who comes to mind. Because she doesn't know. I've come clean with others in my life about this or that or the other, and I'm "mostly" an open book to people who know me. But she doesn't know - she can't know. She doesn't know that I had an affair with her husband before I knew HER, when they had only been married for a year or two. She doesn't know that even after I met her, and we began to build a friendship, I continued that affair because by that time I was hooked on HIM, on how he made me feel, and that was more important to me than her feelings. She doesn't know that it was only later - as she and I grew closer and it became harder for me to look her in the eye - that I ended the affair. And she doesn't know that he begged me not to and told me he was in love with me. She doesn't know even today, when we are occasionally in the same place at the same time spend time together as couples, because I put on the act as though nothing is unusual. My husband knows (and although the affair was before his time, he has had DIFFICULTY coming to grips with my ongoing friendship with this man and his wife), but Julie doesn't know. She would be devastated. It would rock her entire world and destroy it at its core. She wouldn't understand how I could do that, or how HE could do that. Because in her naïve, good-girl, Catholic world, marriage is sacred and one never has to worry about their spouse disobeying God. If she knew, she would question everything of her 12-year marriage and the damage would be irreparable on so many levels. It would reach outside of her or me, and extend to masses of friends we share.
7. Go back to the "start living the promises" section of amends. List some of the promises of recovery that are coming true in your life!
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