LESSON 4 - SANITY

LESSON 4 - SANITY

Principle 2:  Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.

"Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

Step 2:  We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."  Philippians 2:13

1.  What things have you been doing over and over again, expecting a different result each time (insanity)?

Believing that "this time" my mom won't let me down
Believing that food or shopping or busyness or material goods will fill up the holes in my soul
Believing that perfection is actually achievable if I work hard enough
Believing that people who love me should WANT to do things my way
Believing that anything short of perfection means failure

2.  What is your definition of sanity?

I think sanity is essentially about knowing your truth, and being rational with your requests and expectations, and learning from your experiences.

3.  How have your past expectations of yourself or others been unrealistic?  Give examples.

Oh gosh, how much time do we have?  My expectations of myself have always been VERY high.  I can't even describe all the ways that I have held myself to such high standards, but I can only tell you that I have.  My dad instilled that in me as a child, I guess.  He has a very strong work ethic, he believes in doing things right the first time, things like that.  But he was never abusively demanding.  He didn't force those standards into me, I just think I learned by example.  On Saturday mornings at my house, we got up at 8, or 830 if dad was being particularly generous, because there were chores to do, wood to chop, bathrooms to clean.  That's just how it was - there was none of this sleeping until noon or 2pm crap like teenagers now (what is THAT??).  And to this day I have always had a problem sitting still and being quiet, because I believed that if I had time to sit, that meant I had time to be doing something!  Drives my husband CRAZY.  But I'm better about that now.  I embrace and enjoy the quiet stillness (most of the time). In school, as an adult attending Liberty University, the first time I took a test and got a B, I CRIED.  Seriously, CRIED!  I had to call my BFF to talk me down!  That was only two years ago -- so clearly these things have stuck!

My mom was a different story.  She has always been very insecure and she was taught as a child that appearances are what is important, so she has always been a runner and a gym rat - and a size 2.  Having her as my mom led me to believe that being "fit" was what gauged my success in life.  Unfortunately, that led to extremely unrealistic expectations of myself, considering that I am cut from the other side of the cloth (my dad's), and I'm not at all built like my mom.  I kept (unrealistically) expecting myself to measure up to mom and look like mom,  but never succeeded.  So the result has been a lot of beating myself up over being a failure because I could never control my weight like mom. Super unrealistic!

With regards to unrealistic expectations of others, I started out - eons ago - believing that my happiness was the responsibility of other people - that they had the power to "make" me happy and to love myself.  I believed that if other people found me worthy, I must be ok - right?  The downside of that, of course, is that when somebody didn't like me, or they hurt my feelings, I was devastated and would beat myself up about what was wrong with me (rather than now - knowing it's not my issue, but theirs).  In my marriages, I believed for a long time that things should be done my way, because my way was the right way - right?  I pride myself on being a logical, sensible, no-nonsense type of chick, and since I am pretty efficient about getting things done - correctly, I might add (except for my own weight LOL) - surely my husbands (and others) could see the VALUE in following my lead - right?  Yeah ... not so much.  My need to control caused a lot of conflict in my marriages, and drove my husbands to resentment towards me, and sometimes gives people the impression that I'm only worried about myself.  Which really is not the case, because I care so much about other people and their needs, but I understand that's not always the impression I give.  Luckily for me, God is working on me!

4.  In the past, how has trusting only in your own feelings and emotions gotten you in trouble?

Following on to the last question, by trusting only my own feelings and emotions, I set myself up for failure!  And a lot of heartache and pain.  A lot of beating myself up when I didn't deserve it, especially as a kid who didn't know any better.  I beat myself up for my parent's divorce (must have been my fault, right?), I beat myself up over my inability to be a size 2, 4, 6, I beat myself up over not making straight As, and the list goes on.  My short-sightedness (or perhaps we'll just call it what it really was - lack of knowing any better) prohibited me from seeing that there might actually be a different cause to any situation, whatever it was at the time.  I was so emotionally wrapped up in my own perception of truth that I was unable to look rationally at myself, or the problem to see where I might have been blameless.  Likewise, I wasn't able to see past my own wants or need to control, to see that my husband's viewpoint might have held merit.  I just dug my heels in and protested, claiming my "rightness" until he gave in.  I'd say my own feelings and emotions have not been very reliable up until a couple years ago ... now they're better, although they still falter.

5.  How can your Higher Power, Jesus Christ, help restore you to make sane decisions?  How do you get a second chance?

Jesus can show me His way - the right way - and show me how to make healthy decisions by trusting him.  I get a second chance by accepting His Blood as enough to save me from myself and my own pride.  and then I must surrender my broken, prideful, and pain filled body and soul back to Him, the person who molded it with His own hands.

6.  What areas of your life are you ready to release control of and hand over to God?  Be specific.

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